Season’s Greetings

As I’ve mentioned before, the onset of winter is just about my least favourite time of year, but I’m not just going to rant on about the cold/damp/dark/frost/dry skin/static hair/chapped lips/sense of impending doom (delete as applicable or select all of the above) and all the usual wintry woes. This year seems to have developed several specific annoyances all of its own...

Bug Bites

I know it’s rained for 6 months and it’s almost Halloween, but by natural law, there shouldn’t still be evil little vampiric flies and midges everywhere. And don’t get me started on the mosquitoes. I’m pretty sure they never used to exist here even in summer, so why are they now hanging around in 6 degree autumnal darkness? Shivering under 3 layers of clothing and scratching insect bites simultaneously is a biological oxymoron and is causing unnecessary trauma to my brain. Make it stop.

Worldwide Webs

...and on the subject of creepy crawlies – is it just me or has there been some kind of spider population boom? I know from panicked facebook updates I’m not the only person to find a creature with far too many legs invading my bed recently, and they seem pretty determined to take over the rest of the house too – I even found something worryingly resembling a funnel web in the bathroom. I’d recommend the UK as the perfect destination for any arachnophobics currently wishing to partake in immersion therapy.

Headlight-Happy Drivers

I’ve long held the theory that my car sometimes randomly turns invisible, judging by the actions of other drivers towards it. However, conclusive proof has arrived on these dingy nights, when it seems like every single driver heading in the opposite direction to me fails to turn down their full-beam lights, despite my own (dipped) headlights glaring in their faces. Seriously, if you’re so visually impaired that you can’t see me coming from 50 feet away, you shouldn’t be driving in daylight, never mind in pitch dark. And however bitter you might be about your condition, it’s really no excuse to attempt to scorch out my retinas until I suffer the same affliction.

Waterworld

I think our island might be in danger of sinking a lot sooner than we thought. I live on the coast, and there is now hardly any distinction between land and sea. Roads are closed, crops are ruined (I’m thinking farmers should take up rice-growing from now on), new streams and lakes are popping up in the most unexpected places. Yet the clouds are still 10 feet off the ground, thick enough to block out the entire sky and pumping out more rain with unstoppable force on a daily basis. My wellies are usually reserved for mucking about in fields with horses and dogs, but I’m now seriously considering devising the all-in-one-full-body-welly-suit for all occasions. Or building an ark.

Oh well. Only 4 more months to go...

P.S. My apologies for the formatting of recent posts, I have attempted to repair the gaping holes in the black background, but so far to no avail. It seems Google, in their infinite wisdom, have unnecessarily changed something, and now nothing will ever be the same again...

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